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What I See When I Look in the Mirror

I’m Not the Same Person I Was

Cindy Shapiro
5 min readMar 6, 2022
Photo by Baran Lotfollahi on Unsplash

I’ve always had problems with seeing myself for who I am. Yes, I recognized my image in the mirror, but an eating disorder, body distortion, and a lack of self-love as a teenager and young adult led to a skewed image.

It wasn’t until I hit 40 that I started to see myself without a critical filter — and I came to appreciate the woman who was looking back at me. For the first time, she looked upon me kindly and with satisfaction, without repugnance. We had a decent relationship, me and the woman in the mirror — our relationship became more forgiving and trusting. And then, at 42, a few days after an extended hospital stay due to a bout of severe pneumonia, she left, and another woman replaced her.

There’s a point when you’re fighting a severe illness that you stop caring about little things. The concerns about what I wore or whether I had my trademark eyeliner on were replaced by questions: would I be able to walk to answer the door if the doorbell rang? Would I be home from the hospital in time for Thanksgiving? Would I be coming home at all?

I’m not meaning to be dramatic. It was only at my sickest that I started to realize that what’s really important comes into sharper focus as your body is giving way to the great unknown. And your appearance is one of…

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Cindy Shapiro
Cindy Shapiro

Written by Cindy Shapiro

Cindy Shapiro is long-time teacher living in Colorado. As a writer, she aims to elevate teachers’ voices and provide insight on issues in education.

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